Respectful and creative problem solving
In theory, all relationships are neurodiverse as no two people perceive, think and communicate in an identical fashion. (The closest we have to a non-neurodiverse relationship could be identical twins who sometimes claim to know what the other is thinking or feeling.)
However, we use the term “neurodiverse relationship” as one characterised by markedly different thinking, processing and communication styles. Often there is a cluster of exceptional traits that may be associated with a neurobiological or neurodevelopmental classifications such as: Aspergers, Autism, ADHD, OCD, and/or have various learning differences such as dyslexia, dyspraxia etc.
Traditionally one partner has been referred to as “atypical”, meaning their processing experience is exceptional, not average or typical. Their partner in contrast, has been referred to as “neurotypical”, which indicates non-exceptional, average or typical processing experience. Although this binary description is a common presentation, it can set up the unhelpful dynamic of one person as normal/right/victim (typical) and the other as abnormal/wrong/villian (atypical). There are also many couples, families and relationships where everyone has neurodivergent traits.
A neurodiverse relationship is like having two different computer operating systems trying to interact with each other. One system (or partner) is not better than the other, they just have different strengths and weaknesses depending on the context - which can actually end up complementing each other.
The two systems work really well on their own. They can also work together with some added software or apps (education and counselling ).
Neither partner intuitively understands the other and will need to learn strategies to get the best out of their relationship.
A positive approach to diversities
Neurodiverse couples and family therapy is about exploring differences in a respectful manner without attributing blame, keeping in mind the particular traits - both strengths and challenges, that everyone brings to the relationships.
The systemic approach to neurodiverse couples and family therapy aims to establish a supportive environment to explore different perspectives and experiences. It aims to offer new ways to respectfully and creatively solve typical problems to support the couple or family’s wellbeing.
If you wish to discuss professional support in navigating a neurodiverse relationship, please get in touch.
Neurodiverse Affirming
There are many theories about the cause of human differences – neurological, developmental, biochemical, environmental, genetic. We don’t have definitive answers but we take a positive approach to these diversities, acknowledging that many creative and innovative people could be identified as atypical.
We aim to affirm neurodiversity, acknowledge neurominority and to encourage compassion and understanding for all people through a respectful, curious and individually tailored process.
If you’d like to read more about neurodiverse family therapy, please visit our resources page.
